status for facebook

YOU KNOW THAT  TINGLY FEELING YOU GET WHEN YOU LIKE SOMEONE?

THAT'S COMMON SENSE WHICH IS LEAVING FROM  YOUR BODY..

joke for facebook

During Breakup -

GIRL : I got new BOYfriend , he is Smarter, Intelligent and Cuter than you.
So give me my photo Back ...

BOY: Sent 31 GIRLfriends Photo's and said : I forgot ur face Darling So please select your Photo Yourself and Send back the Remaining..
boy rocked ..girl shocked

joke for facebook

WHAT Is Education..?

Education is a
process of wasting half
of our life to
learn how to waste remaining half of our life. 

Famous quote by
-Albert Einstein...

joke for whatsapp

Munna: Kya kar rela hai circuit?
Circuit: Bhai bulb pe baap ka naam likh rela hu
Munna: Kyun!
Circuit: Bhai, baap ka naam roshan karne ka he na.

Munna: Ae Circuit ye Dr. log opration se pehle
patient ko behosh kyun karte hai?
Circuit: Bhai! Bole to patient opration sikh gaya
to Dr. Logo ki to wat lag jayegi na.

Circuit: Bhai, apun ne kal Sania Mirza se phone pe baat ki.
Munna bhai: Arre wah, kya kaha usne.
Circuit: Usne kaha, Mamu wrong number!!

Munna Bhai: Apna Desh kaun chala raha hai?
Cirkit: Bhai SMS
Munna Bhai: Kya bakta hai?
Cirkit: Bhai, SMS bole toh
S=SARDAR
M=MANMOHAN
S=SINGH

Munna: ye Gandhi Bapu
har note me haste hi
kyu rehte hei ??

Circuit: Simple hai
BHAI, Royenge to note
geeela ho jayenga na.

Circuit- Bhai, Aamerican Rastrapati Kaha Rehta He?
Munaa- DHOBIGHAT Pe
Circuit- Dhobighat Bole To?
Munaa- English Me Bole To
“WOSHING TOWN"

Munna Bhai: Aay circuit, baapu bole to
gandhi ji kapde kyu nahi pehantay thay?

Circuit: Bhai bole toh bapu bhi us
time ke salmaan khan thay

tum hi ho whatsapp song

Tum Hi Ho (Aashiqui 2) the whatsapp song
-----------------------------------
Hum offline ab reh nahi sakte
Tere bina kya status mera (2)
Tujhse agar BLOCK kabhi ho jaayenge,
Toh khud se hi ho jaayenge judaa.
Kyunki tum hi ho,
Ab tum hi ho,
Zindagi ab tum hi ho,
Status bhi, mera DP bhi,
Meri Update bhi ab tum hi ho..
Tera mera rishta hai kaisa,
Ik pal offline gawara nahi,
Tere liye Online hai rehete,
Tujh ko diya mera WhatsApp sabhi,
Koi lamha mera na ho WhatsApp bina,
Har bing pe he naam tera.
Kyunki tum hi ho,
Ab tum hi ho,
Zindagi ab tum hi ho,
‘Hmmmm’ bhi, mera 'OK' bhi,
'LMAO' ab tum hi ho.
Tumhi ho... Tumhi ho...
Tere liye Online raha main
Tujh ko jo yun WhatsApp diya hai
Tere 'Last Seen' ne mujhko sambhala
dusro ke msgs ko dil se nikala
Me jo BLOCK bhi hua WhatsApp pe yaha
WeChat pe khada hu me wahaa…
Kyunki tum hi ho
Ab tum hi ho
Zindagi ab tum hi ho..
'OKEY' bhi, mera 'K' bhi
Mera 'OK' bhi ab tum hi ho 

status for facebook

To love without condition, to talk without intention, to give without reason and to care without expectation is art of true relationship..

status for married people

Marriage is not a word. It's a sentence - A life sentence!

status for facebook

If I had a dollar for every time someone tells me I'm good looking, I'll have exactly one dollar. 
Thanks mom!

joke on girlfriends

Girlfriend:" Hey

Boyfriend:" Who's Hey..??, don't ever call me back.

Girlfriend:" Sorry! My Love, how are you doing.. ??

Boyfriend:" I'm Fine! And You.. ??

Girlfriend:" I'm fine, but I need something from you..

Boyfriend:" What ??

Girlfriend:" Sweetie please could you SEND me 15k ??

Boyfriend:" 15k for what..??

Girlfriend:" 5k for my clothes, 7k for my hair+nails and 3k for my shoes..

Boyfriend:" Awww sure my love,here..

k,
k,
k,
k,
k,
k,
k,
k,
k,
k,
k,
k,
k,
k,
k .

count it, its complete and take this extra 2k.

k,
k

that's for your perfume..

status for facebook

The fact that jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains is great
news for stupid people.

Status for whatsapp

The hardest moment is not when tears flow from your eyes

It's When you have to hide the tears in your eyes with a smile....!

joke for facebook

DOCTOR TO MAN :-

VODKA + WATER INJURES KIDNEY

RUM + WATER  INJURES LIVER

WHISKEY + WATER INJURES HEART

GIN + WATER INJURES BRAIN

MAN :-

I THINK THERE  IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH WATER....

joke for facebook

Innocent love

Ek bacha apni class mei baita tha

Ek cute si ladki speech shuru karne jaa
rhi thi ki usse pehle ladke ne dhono
hatho se apna kaan bandh kardiye...


Frnd ne poocha.... Tune apna haatho se
kaan q bandh kiye??


Toh ladka ne kaha..." Ale jo speech
dene jaa lahi hai na...wo meli gal pland
he na.....wo toh speech k chulu mei
bolegi...
''my deal brothels & sistels''

toh mela toh popu ho jaega na..

joke on ladies

Guide: “I welcome you all to Niagara Falls. These are the world’s largest waterfalls and the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high, even 20 supersonic planes passing by can’t be heard.
Now may I request the ladies to keep quite so that we can hear the Niagara Falls ?”

joke for facebook

Employer: In this job we need someone who is responsible.

Applicant: I'm the one you want.
On my last job, every time anything went wrong,
they said I was responsible.

joke for whatsapp

Three men died and stood in front of God.
God asked the first if he had been faithful to his wife.
He admitted to two affairs during his marriage.
God gave him a compact car to drive in heaven.

The second man admitted to only one affair and was given a midsize car.

The third man was asked the same question and said that he had been faithful to his wife until the day he died.
God praised him and gave him a big luxury car.

A week later the three guys met in a parking lot. The man driving the luxury car began to cry.

"What's the matter?"

"I just passed my wife, and she was riding a bike!"

joke for facebook

Father: what is your position in the class?

Son: highest of all,

Father : Is it? how?

Son: I
always stand on the bench......

joke sms, joke for facebook whatsapp

What is the perfect example
of both Good & Bad Luck?

The naughty wind blows the girl's skirt high (Good luck)

but at the same time

Dust falls into the boy's eyes (Bad luck)

joke sms , joke for facebook

One day a man went to the bar and this conversation followed.

MAN: Give me 8 shots of whiskey!
BARTENDER: Whats wrong man?
MAN: I found out that my brother and my best friend are getting married!
(Bartender looking very shocked.)

Next day the same guy comes again and orders 10 shots of whiskey.

BARTENDER: Whats wrong now?
MAN: I found out that my son is also gay!
BARTENDER: Doesn't anyone in your family like women?
MAN: Apparently, my wife does.

(Bartender faints!!!)

Romantic sms

Girl: Describe me in one word. Boy: Mine.

Status for facebook whatsapp

Im on seafood diet...  "I See Food And Eat It"

Goodmorning sms

I just love when morning gets here, cuz i can send a Great Big Good Morning sms to my dearest. What a lovely way to start my day!

Status for facebook whatsapp

When Ever you are Criticized,don`t get Upset. Always remember this.... No stones are thrown on a Fruitless Tree.

Status for facebook whatsapp

Dear ladies.. All men with money aren`t smart. Sometimes a man`s money grows, but he doesn`t.

Status for whatsapp

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it`s still on the list. :)

Goodnight sms

I wish that God would hold you tight.  I hope that angels would keep you in sight. Now just to make sure you feel all right,  I m gonna blow you a sweet goodnight..

Status for facebook

If you don`t want me to cross the line, then don`t draw one.

Status for facebook

Either you control your attitude or it controls you!

Status for facebook

Just because you have a heart, doesn`t make you a human, you got to have emotions in that.

Christmas status

Dear Santa, I didn't want to make it too hard for you this year, So the only thing on my wish list is 1 year paid leave from work with bonus.

Status for facebook

Hope is wishing something would happen. Faith is believing something will happen. Courage is making something happen.

Status for facebook

Experience is the name men give to their mistakes.

Status for facebook

we all have that bestfriend who we greet with an insult.:)

santa jokes

❌😄😛❌-Laughter time-❌😃😂!❌
🔍💊🔦💊🔍-Doctor : Roz 5km walk karo, to 1 sal me 50kg wajan kum ho jayega..
1 saal baad santa phone pe:
Wajan to kam ho gaya,
magar saale ghar kaise jau 1825km ❌😄😛❌-Laughter time-❌😃😂!❌
🔍💊🔦💊🔍-Doctor : Roz 5km walk karo, to 1 sal me 50kg wajan kum ho jayega..
1 saal baad santa phone pe:
Wajan to kam ho gaya,
magar saale ghar kaise jau 1825km door aa gaya hu❓❓😄





 

joke for facebook

At weddings old people always poke me and say "You're next." So I am going to tell them the same thing at funerals.

status for facebook

Good looks attracts the eyes,Good personality attracts the heart.

status for facebook

Before sex, they help you to get undressed. After sex, you dress yourself. Moral of the story, no one helps you after you are fucked.

staus for facebook

^v--^v--^v----------^v--^v--^v for a second there I was bored to death

status for whatsapp

I wish people were like money so i could hold them up to the light and see if they are real.

status for facebook

I consider myself a crayon, I may not be your favorite color, but one day you may need me to complete your picture.

joke on girls

A Perfect Girl:

Na Kabhi Tang Karti Hai,
 Na Kabhi Cheekhti Chillaati Hai,

Na Kabhi Kisi K Saath Flirt Karti
Hai,

Na Kabhi Jhoot Bolti Hai, .
Na Kabhi Dhoka Deti Hai,

Na Kabhi Shaq Karti Hai,

Aur Na Hi Is Duniya Mein Paayi Jaat

joke for facebook

This iz Crime Story..

Five Elived in a Room, Namely..

MAD, BRAIN, FOOL, NOBODY, SOMEBODY.

One Day SOMEBODY Killed NOBODY.

At that Time BRAIN was in Bathroom,

MAD Called Police..

MAD: Iz it Police Station..??

Police: Yes, What iz the Matter..??

MAD: SOMEBODY Killed NOBODY.

Police: Are You MAD..??

MAD: Yes, I’m MAD.

Police: Don’t You have BRAIN.

MAD: BRAIN iz in Bathroom..

Police: You FOOL…

MAD: No, FOOL iz Reading This SMS.. 

Joke on girls

Girl's TOP 3 Lines Meaning..

1. I Miss You
(Means:" Time Pass Nahi Ho Raha Hai.
Tumhare Saath Hi Thoda Time Paas Kar Lu)

2. I AM Single .
(Means : Mera Past BF Bhikhari Ban Gaya..
Ab Tumhari Baari)

3. Main Cousin Se Baat Kar Rahi Thi
(Means : Aur 2, 3 BF Waiting Me The)

Joke for facebook

I want to make a rich girl fall in love with me whose
father could say,
"Ye lo blank cheque, amount bharo aur nikal jao meri beti ki life se" !

Joke for facebook

Effect of Facebook...
.
Teacher:" Batao Parle-G par Jo
Green dot bana
hota hai , Uska kya matlab hota hai.. ??
.
.
.
.
.
Student:" Sir iska matlab hai Ki Parle sahab abhi Online hain

Joke on blondes

Two blondes were driving to Disneyland. The sign
said:
Disneyland Left. So they started crying & headed home

joke for facebook

Captain was walking on his ship.

A soldier rushes to him and says,"An enemy
ship is approaching us".

Captain replies
calmly, "Go get my red shirt".

The soldier gets
the shirt for the captain.
The enemy ship comes in;

heavy rounds of fire are exchanged. Finally, they win.
Soldier asks, "Congrats Sir, but why the red shirt ?"
Captain replies, "If I got injured, then my blood
shouldn't be seen, as I didn't want my men to
loose hope."

Moral: For success, hope is very important.

Just then, another soldier came in and said, "Sir, we just spotted another 20 enemy ships!"
The captain calmly replied, "Go bring my
yellow pants"...!!

joke for facebook

At a wedding reception the D.J. Announced.....

"Would all married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living after marriage?"

The Bartender was almost crushed to death.

Status for facebook

If you have something to say raise your hand and place it over mouth.

status for whatsapp

When shit happens .. all you can do is flush it..

status for facebook

Just one question for people for talk shit..

Is your asshole jealous of all crap that comes out of mouth??

status for facebook

MILLION DOLLAR TRUTH :-
"Wife is cute when she is mute" & "Hubby is honey when he gives money" !

joke on onion

Dear Dollar, Onion & Petrol..

No Matter How Much U Increase Day By Day... I Will Be The Same As Before..

Sincerely, Salary

joke for facebook

Height of Begging.... 

A sleeping beggar puts up a notice board in front of him: 

"Please do not make noise by 
dropping coins... Offer notes ..."

joke for facebook

Saw a man screaming:"SAVE ME !! I AM DROWNING ".I Instantly took his snap anduploaded it on facebook.....with caption ......"'1 like = 100 prayers'"""I HOPE HE IS SAFE NOW...

PJ for facebok

Attachment Is Not When Two People Chat Day & Night.

Its When Someone E-Mails U And Adds An Image Or Data File
With It.

That File Is Called Attachment !!

joke on girls

No matter how long,
two women have talked inside a house...


their conversation is incomplete,
without those long standing discussions at
doors...

shayari for lovers

Mehakti baharo me tumhe Phuulon ki
tarah dekha hai,
Baraste Sawan me tumhe Buundo ki tarah
dekha hai,
saja rakhe hai jo khwab apni zindagi ki
raho me,
un raho me tumhe apni Dulhan bane
dekha hai....

shayari for lovers

Aankhon ki gehraayi ko samajh nahi paate,
Hoth he magar kuch hum keh nahi paate,
Apni Dil ki baat kis tarah kahe tumse,
Tum wahi ho jinke bina hum reh nahi
paate.

shayari for lovers

Aankhon me rehne wale ko yaad nahi
karte,
Dil me rehne wale ki baat nahi karte,
Hamari to RUUH me bas gaye ho aap,
Tabhi to milne ki FARIYAD nahi karte....

shayari for lovers

Lab khamosh hain aankhon se baat hoti
hai,
Aise hi Mohabbat ki shuruwat hoti hai…..
Tere hi khayalon me khoye rehte hai hum,
Pata nahi kab din kab raat hoti hai….

shayari for lovers

Hamari har khata pe naraz na hona,
apni pyari si muskurahat ko kabhi na
khona,
Sukun milata hain dekh kar aapaki
muskurahat,
hume maut bhi aaye to bhi mat rona.

shayari for lovers

Tanha khud ko kabhi mat hone dena,
apno ko kabhi rone mat dena,
aap bahut khaas hain hamare liye…..
Is khayaal ko apne se kabhi juda hone mat
dena…..!

shayari for lover

Na gujarna eid k din kisi masjid k pas se,
kahin log chand samajh kar roja na tod de,
Kokar khafa khuda tumse kahi…..
Chand jaise chehre banana na chhor de..

shayari for lovers

Woh din din nahi, wo raat raat nahi,
woh pal pal nahi, jis pal teri Yaad nahi,
Teri yadon se maut hame alag kar sake,
Maut ki bhi ye aukat nahi.

shayari for facebook

Tere chehre ne kuch aisa gazab dhaya hai,
Ki tere Husn se aaj chand bhi sharmaya hai,
Maang lete tujhe aaj uss khuda se,
Par woh bhi aaj tera gulam nazar aaya hai!

shayari for lovers

Dil Ki Nazuk Dhadkano Ko
Mere Sanam Tumne Dhadakna Sikha Diya
Jab Se Mila Hai Tera Pyaar Dil Ko
Gum Me Bhi Muskurana Sikha Diya.